About 3 years back, once the crying in the middle of work and having to take sick time to crawl under the desk and listen to “Hallelujah” on repeat while rocking slowly had gotten to be too much, I decided to start seeing a therapist.
The problem is that anything that rocked my routine was almost impossible for me to deal with. I took some extra time off work and went to my appointment. It was like “Groundhog Day”. She listened to me discuss in detail the panic I felt at even having to disrupt my schedule to come see her and ended with “You should come back on the 15th.” Are you insane? How am I supposed to make that happen?!
I went to a different person, a Psychiatrist. I came to him on the first appointment with about 5 pages I had written about myself for him. He didn’t read it. He told me I had OCD Spectrum and gave me pills. That was it, every 3 months I would go and check in for 15 minutes, it was so easy. I felt so much better.
When we had first met he talked to me about the film “Blue Valentine”, because I loved independent films. A year after that he had the same conversation with me and I snapped and did not go back. I no longer have my pills :(. I guess they didn’t cure my lack of patience for other people’s flaws, like repetition of conversation and forgetfulness.
So when my friends show up early at my house, without giving me proper notice, I go into a panic attack. My body shakes without my permission and my breath gets very labored. This doesn’t have to do with my control issues, I am not upset because you didn’t do what I “told” you to, I am upset because you didn’t follow the protective guidelines I put in place to keep my psyche safe. I am requesting, as one human being to another, that you respect my limits.
Thank you. 🙂